Get back to clarity and peace: 3 Steps for calming your nervous system when you feel overwhelmed

When my husband was deployed overseas most recently, I had one of those days. Actually, it was one of those nights. Right before I went to bed, I discovered that my bathroom floor was flooding. And it smelled. And I had no idea what to do. I quickly went into action with towels and buckets and the shop-vac, and hours later, had it all under control. It was a legitimately overwhelming situation, and I didn’t care for it one bit. 

As painful as that experience was, I didn’t feel very overwhelmed or anxious, and this is a huge change in my life from how I used to operate. I have made a practice of calming my nervous system, regulating my emotions, and moving through hard moments with more ease. The more I have practiced these skills, the easier they are to access and the more effective. 

If you find yourself getting overwhelmed sometimes, often, or you just camp out there, these are some practical steps for changing the way you face the hard moments and seasons of life.

We all find ourselves overwhelmed at times. It just looks different. One person might stay late at work because they are overwhelmed with their situation at home. One might yell and argue. One might shut down and act like everything is fine. 

But we all know what overwhelm feels like - this is too much for me.

Why do I get so overwhelmed?

Overwhelm can be a symptom of anxiety, it can be situational, and it can be exacerbated by our temperament and how we were raised as children. The why is not as important as learning how to move through it as quickly as possible and back to peace and calm. You deserve that, and it’s God’s desire for you (Psalm 23 makes this pretty clear). 

Getting overwhelmed is a by-product of having a lot of emotions happening at once or building up inside of us. It is not a sin and it doesn’t mean we’re messing up. But when we are overwhelmed, we are more likely to be a lesser version of ourselves. We cannot think as clearly (this is scientifically proven), we act in ways that disappoint us, we say things that harm our relationships, or we may get paralyzed and not accomplish what we want to. 

Should I not feel overwhelmed if I am a person of faith?

And if you are a person of faith, you may have experienced some shaming - from someone or from a sermon or from yourself - that says “I shouldn’t feel this way. I should have more (fill in the blank with faith, trust, hope, etc.) than this.” 

To that I would say, if you tried to make yourself overwhelmed, you are the first person in history! Getting overwhelmed happens to us, and we get to decide if we linger there awhile or move on through. Sitting in shame is more likely to hinder our progress. 

I have also observed that many of us have tried quoting scriptures and praying through our stress or anxiety, and it hasn’t been that effective. I don’t say that to deny the power of God or of spiritual practices. But God has given us so many practical tools to support our minds and bodies in times of stress. We can trust Him and ask Him for help, and also take some steps toward better mental and emotional health through the revelation He gives us.

So what do I do with this difficult feeling inside when I get overwhelmed?

1. Pause
This is like when your parents said, If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all. A pause is temporary. It might mean taking a break from a hard conversation so you don’t say things you don’t really mean, or cancelling your plans for the night so you can rest. A pause takes the place of acting from a place of overwhelm when you are not your best self. Remember that a pause is temporary, and if you are stepping back from a hard relational moment you will need to communicate with that person, “Hey, I need to have a break. I’m not my best self right now, and I will be back in X minutes or hours so we can continue the conversation.”

2. Regulate

When we get overwhelmed, our sympathetic nervous system gets activated. Sometimes our hearts race, or we can’t think clearly, or we just feel really out of sorts and agitated. Before you can deal with whatever is causing your overwhelm, you will need to get regulated in your body. You can do this by taking a walk, working out, doing some deep breathing exercises, getting out in the sunshine and your feet in the grass or dirt, taking a cold plunge or a warm bath. What do you find calming? When you’re overwhelmed, your body needs you to take action and help it get relaxed again. 

3. Check-in

The third step is to check in and ask yourself, “What is happening for me?” Yes, your bill is overdue or you’re in conflict with your neighbors or you have chronic pain. But what is happening on the inside where the overwhelm lives? Maybe you are actually overwhelmed with fear about the future, or grieving an old season of your life, or deeply hurt by a difficult relationship. When those experiences and emotions accumulate inside of us, or worse, when they coincide inside of us, we get that overwhelmed feeling. These feelings need to be processed with ourselves, taken to the Lord in prayer, and, if possible, shared with a friend or partner with whom we can be vulnerable. 

All three steps are important and all can be repeated daily or multiple times a day in seasons of high stress. 

Following these three steps, there are likely some decisions to be made. Maybe you need to scale back on some activities, or you need more social support for the current challenges in your life, or you need to consider your thought life and what your mind is telling you all day long. There are practical ways to lessen the factors that lead to overwhelm. But without the three steps above, you are likely to end up right back where you started. 

Consider These Questions

When I feel overwhelmed, what are the core emotions I am usually experiencing? (Can be multiple emotions.) Fear, anger, hurt, sadness, loneliness, shame, guilt, joy.

What do I usually do when I get overwhelmed? How do I react?

What has helped me to regulate my body and mind in the past? 

Take Action

Your next task is simple - start tuning in to yourself and noticing when the overwhelm begins. Notice the little signs that you’re getting out of sorts. And then try the three steps above. Troubleshoot and make adjustments so you are doing the things that help you to feel better.

Daily Practice

Affirmation Series