When you’re ready to get unstuck, stop striving, and start feeling free: 7 steps to jumpstart your personal growth

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I remember being a kid in Sunday school class in the temporary building behind our church that smelled faintly of mold. I remember the green felt board and the Bible characters that emerged one at a time from a manila folder and sometimes stayed affixed while the teacher told the story. What a thrill. I remember the semi-nude Adam and Eve that made us all blush. And I remember thinking, “WHY?” Why did you have to do it Eve, and then Adam? You screwed everything up for the rest of the world. How were two people even given that much power over our lives anyway? What is the big idea?

Ever since the Adam and Eve debacle something inside humans has been longing for more.  This voice in our heads tells us that we were meant to be better, healthier, more like our mind’s ideal. Multiple billion dollar industries depend on us feeling this way. (I may have funded some of them with late-night social media purchases as I brainstormed my next DIY improvement.)

And it’s true. You and I were made for more. We were made for Eden. We were made for pure, constant, shame-free connection with our Father God. We were made for healthy relationships that build us and give us purpose and identity. We were made for freedom. But we are trying to get that back in all of the wrong ways, and it often leaves us feeling more stuck and defeated than before.

What do you feel stuck in? What leaves you feeling defeated or down or purposeless? Take a moment to name it to yourself.

But a God with a million Plan B’s for the messes and misdirections of our lives always has a way for us to get back to Eden, the original plan. The problem is when we get too much in our own way. To keep the metaphor going, we want to do things our own way, and so we grab the apple and take a bite. Instead of creating healthy new pathways and patterns, we rely on what we know (some of which is good and some inaccurate) and go right back to feeling stuck. 

So what are we getting wrong about our personal growth that hinders our progress? And how do we get traction again and start feeling positive about where we are headed?

These are some practical steps to developing healthier new patterns so you can start moving forward in the ways you want:

1. Should is not your friend.
   I spend a lot of time in the life coaching chair trying to help people hear their own “shoulds” and untangle them. Maybe you have made some mistakes, but living in what you should have done or should be doing is like marinating in shame. It’s certain to leave you feeling stuck.
   
   

2. Accept where you are today.
   The alternative is accepting where you today, which is not the same thing as agreeing with it. When I am living in reality about what is not working in my life I am also empowered to change it. 
   
   

3. Process the hard.
   When I accept where I am today, I see the painful things, and the things that are not aligned with God’s best for my life. I can start spinning my wheels trying to make it all better, but first I need to process the emotions. Because I am more often stuck in emotion than I am in logistical problems. I know it doesn’t seem that way, but the problem is usually much deeper than we think. When I process the emotions that are happening for me, I am freer to make better decisions going forward.
   
   

4. Speak life to yourself.
   This whole process just gets better when I can really love myself in my mess, because I am not my mess. I am just an imperfect person. This is an important distinction. Take notice of the words in your mind throughout the day and what they are saying about your life. I don’t suggest pretending things are perfect. But, no matter what’s going on, you are still a loved child of God. You are still a person in progress. You are still capable of change. You have a future that is in God’s hands. All positives. Start with these words of life and add your own.
   
   

5. Partner with God in the process.
   God’s design for your life is all his idea. Take a little time each day to meet with Him and invite him into your struggle. He already knows what’s going on. Make yourself available to hear directly from Him and to allow him to move in supernatural ways as you take steps of your own.
   
   

6. Love the small changes.
   As you take these steps, start noticing the small. Notice the time that someone said something hurtful and you didn’t overreact as much. Notice when you feel a little joy about something simple. Notice the good and lovely and cultivate your sense of joy. This will stir up hope for more growth.
   
   

7. Give yourself time.
   Shame is going to happen to us, because of our imperfections. But grace abounds so much more. When I feel shame, I acknowledge and accept it. And then I receive the grace and love of God who says I am so much more than that shame. That enables me to go back to step 1 and keep going. It keeps me from getting stuck or feeling that all of my progress is lost. Read scriptures about grace and soak in the knowledge that the Holy Spirit is interceding for you and that all of heaven is rooting for you. And keep going. Your freedom and your growth is worth it.

For more information about processing and communicating your emotions in healthy ways, check out the Connection Codes masterclass for individuals and couples, (and receive 20% off with the code AGIBBONS20).

To schedule a session to talk to Angie about where you’re feeling stuck and how to move forward, fill out an interest form.