Slowing down from the inside out: Simple practices to calm your nervous system and create lasting calm in your mind and body

This is Part 2 in the Calm in a Chaotic World series

We have all heard and read many words about the busyness of our culture, and the way technology has changed us, and how we need to slow down. (I generally agree.) But how many of us have had a technology break and then gone right back to feeling stressed? Or started a healthy practice like meditation but the rest of the day is still filled with worry? I don’t know about you, but I’m looking for a more lasting change. I want to get to the root of what’s going on.

What Mary and Martha can teach us about slowing down.

You probably know this story from Luke 10:38-42. Jesus is visiting unannounced (how cool, but also anxiety provoking?). Martha gets busy serving. In fact it says she was “distracted with serving”, while Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet. Maybe everyone was sitting on the ground, but Mary’s was a humble, receptive posture.

When Martha complains to Jesus about her sister, He gently chides her and says that she is actually anxious about many things, not just this moment. He says that Mary has chosen the one important thing for that moment.

It’s not that the serving was unimportant, just that it could go on the back burner in the presence of Jesus. 

This passage accurately describes some of the challenges we currently face. We are often distracted by the wrong things. We struggle to be still and focus. Our priorities are misaligned. Inside of us lies the root of the problem, not our outward activities or our technology. 

So when we talk about slowing down, it has to go beyond cutting back on social activities or cutting out technology. It requires slowing our selves down, slowing our thoughts, our responses, tuning into what we actually need and what God is asking of us. And this is much more difficult. It takes discipline and intention and energy that I would rather spend doing easier things. 🤷‍♀️

Why it is so hard to slow down my body and my mind.

I started taking a regular Saturday sabbath this year. I work harder during the week and am more disciplined so I can have a nothing day - very few kid obligations, often nothing scheduled other than a loose plan to do something relaxing or fun with a friend or my husband. It feels glorious. But when I started, it felt terrible. I was more anxious than when I had a lot planned.

Why? It’s my nervous system. It has been trained to be on high alert for many years. There’s a big stress groove in my brain that is happier when things feel chaotic and I have to keep busy and take care of stuff. I didn’t expect resting to be so hard. Like Martha, I was anxious about many things, even though I didn’t have chronic anxiety or panic attacks anymore. It was more of an anxious, busy bee lifestyle.

Even when I decided mentally to make a change, my body was stuck in these bad cycles creating an internal friction.

The key to change is the nervous system.

Your nervous system has three possible states. Fight and flight, freeze, and rest and digest. Most of us are aware of the first, which means our body is on high alert to danger of any kind - real physical threats, emotional threats, traumatic memories, and more. It is our God-given survival mode. In a freeze state we are shut down, our system overwhelmed, possibly depressed feeling, and stuck. Rest and digest is when we feel safe — physically, mentally, emotionally. We can feel grounded, curious, compassionate, and social. Our digestion, immune response, circulation, and ability to connect are improved. 

Fight or flight is meant to be temporary, like a burst of energy to get away from a bear. But many of us live there chronically. It might feel like anxiety, or like your body is buzzing, you have a hard time quieting busy thoughts, have a hard time resting or sleeping, have a faster heart rate, you feel overwhelmed by a certain emotion, your muscles may be tense.

When I say many of us live there all the time, it’s not meant to be a judgment. There are a lot of reasons why our bodies can stay in a heightened state. It may be because of stressful circumstances, the way we were raised and the things we experienced, the pace and fullness of our lives, among other factors.

Whatever the cause, when we are used to living in fight or flight, our nervous system tells us to keep filling the space, don’t leave any voids. Resting almost feels painful. If we stay busy we won’t have to deal with the noise in our heads or our emotions. Because many of us grew up in Christian cultures that told us busyness was next to Godliness, we can easily rationalize that being this way is holy. “Look how productive I am!” Similar to Martha’s thinking, slowing down can also feel like letting others down or being lazy or not taking care of responsibilities.

Our bodies, our culture, maybe even our church is supporting this hectic way of being. It’s no wonder that taking a day off or cutting back on our work hours isn’t sufficient to feel rested. Our brains need more than a moment to recharge — they need a calm lifestyle. They need to be rewired with regular down time and processing of the hard emotions that get bottled up. They need to learn new patterns of being.

For what purpose should we slow down?

You might be asking this question. Or wondering if slowing down means self-centered navel gazing. I guess you could do that. But we are not slowing down for no reason. The goal is to tune in. Tune in to what our bodies and minds are telling us so that we can make healthier choices, and tune into what God is telling us. We have to slow down to be able to hear these quiet voices.

I will now use the well-worn example of putting your oxygen mask on when the plane depressurizes before helping people around you. Slowing down is only selfish and foolish if we stop being who we are supposed to be in the world. But not slowing down means we will not ever be able to function in the ways God intends. We will be working on empty, and may completely burn out. 

Fight or flight is a normal physical and psychological response that serves our bodies. But when we are there for extended times, it harms us physically. We become a lesser version of ourselves, unable to respond to people in the ways we want - calmly and rationally and kindly. 

Slowing down and tuning in is an act of kindness toward yourself that has huge dividends for the people you love and God’s purpose for your life.

What it might look like for you to tune in.

Tuning in is about taking pauses to notice. Notice how you feel physically and mentally. Notice how connected you feel to God and others. Notice what your body is telling you it needs.

And in response you might give yourself a 2-minute pause to take some slow deep breaths, or a 10-minute pause to stretch out muscles, or a 30-minute walk around the block. As Christians, we have a host of spiritual practices we can center our work on as well. All of the things that build us spiritually like prayer, reading scripture, and listening to God are powerful for calming the nervous system.

It also helps to remember that calming your nervous system is not all or nothing. We will not suddenly become good at meditation or slowing down or setting down our devices or being calm. Progress will come in spurts and take time. What’s important is to begin. Every season will look a little different. Your needs will change. Tuning in will enable you to adjust.

Here’s a secret. Anyone who has a great “practice” of any kind — all that means is that they have started over many times. No one perfectly sticks to anything. You just have to be willing to process the shame you feel or the sadness that you’re not further along than you thought you would be and then start trekking again. 

Here’s one more secret. Like Mary, it can never hurt to just sit at the feet of Jesus when everything feels chaotic and we’re unsure what we need. The One Thing that is always needed is found there.

Questions for reflection and journaling

How much of my time am I filling with busyness, media, and activity?

Is there enough time where I have stillness in my mind or more restful activities that are filling instead of depleting?

When was the last time I feel really rested and calm inside and out? What was going on in my life at that time? What habits did I have?

What ground and spiritual practices can I start incorporating to slow down and notice what’s going on with me? What do I feel my body and mind are really needing in this season?